she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
