I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
His nipple licking is glorious
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