1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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