You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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