im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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