i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
