how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
