If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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