mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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