lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
