Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
