2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
