It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize