I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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