are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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