I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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