Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
