Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
