Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
