i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
