Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The air taste purple.
Randomize
