im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
