Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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