How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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