dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
