I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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