remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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