i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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