If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
