Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i came on her dog
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
