i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
