Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
