i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
