I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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