Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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