It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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