3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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