Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
