I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
