i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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