Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
