I can tuck mytits in my pants
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
