I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
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As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
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