My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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