So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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