a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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