you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
