i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
