why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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