the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
