Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
