I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
