I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
