I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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