Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
