can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
