So drunk its hurt
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
