I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
