there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
jump out the window naked night went bad
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
