he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I have surprise drugs for everyone
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
