dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like heaven, but drunker
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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