so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
