found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
