At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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