I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
