This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
