What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
well I can't set my house on fire every night
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
