But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
