you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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