yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The feeling are messing with the penis
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
