I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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