good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
