If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
