If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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