a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
