Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
