Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
